Naturally it’s quite easy to share the positive things in life…especially on social media. So while my life may look rosy on the outside (which for the most part it is; I’m extremely blessed), I wouldn’t be authentic in saying it’s all flowers and smiles all of the time.
What’s more difficult, is being aware of and accepting the shadows that are a part of each of our lives…and SHARING THEM!
So my friends, here it goes (wow it’s hard to even find the words to get started): my shadows have been a bit darker lately. I’ve noticed a bit of a “regression” within myself, as I struggle to find a way to balance and nurture my new business, along with still working nearly full-time, learning to drive (fuck that’s a trip), and finding time to see loved ones.
It definitely hasn’t been all smiles for me. I feel stretched thin a lot and have noticed past habitual patterns making their way back into my life that I thought I had dealt with some time ago:
My fiery temper
A constant busy mind
After I found a way to own and accept these parts of myself through awareness, they began to fade. Lately however, I’ll be fully IN IT, having a temper tantrum of sorts, before the awareness pokes at me gently…I breathe an actual full breath and go “holy shit, I was such a crabby asshole…for…how long today?”
Self-awareness and authenticity are a constant lesson along a winding path. Sometimes I veer off to the side and have to stop to catch my breath, and other times I’m kicking ass.
The most difficult part of all of this learning is to be soft with myself and remember that I’m human: a very busy human right now. I’m full of gratitude for everybody in my life that puts up with my antics and knows when to call me out on them, and when to just love me in silence.
I look forward to finding some solace in my yoga and meditation practices again soon (because wow have they suffered), taking the time to breathe, and being present amidst the chaos.
What are some of your shadows?