Many transforming experiences took place within me during my yoga teacher training course a few years ago. Although lately my practice has been suffering (again…ugh), little gems in the form of memories appear at perfect times.
There was one weekend during my training where I felt utterly lost, emotional, and ready to curl up in bed for a week and refuse to move. We were all in our opening circle, eyes closed, collectively breathing, and our instructor said “If anybody isn’t okay right now, and is needing some extra love and energy, put your hands into the circle.”
At first, I felt like scoffing. “I’m fine, why would I do something like that?” I kept breathing and realized that I really wasn’t feeling okay, and what the hell was wrong with admitting it?! Everybody’s eyes were still closed; it was more so that I was having trouble accepting my “not okayed-ness” for MYSELF.
My hands hesitantly (and shaking) entered the circle. It felt as if warm, loving energy began traveling up my arms, and I began to shake and cry. I think that was the first time I had admitted to myself that I wasn’t fully alright, and realized that it was actually fine! The offer of extra support came up several more times in our opening circles during those nine months of training, and I made sure to always send some extra energy into my breath whenever I was feeling strong…
Recently I was filled with an overwhelming sense of anxiety, fear, and guilt. Our home was undergoing renovations that were taking longer than expected (my house is my sanctuary, so when it’s disrupted…yikes), I felt that I had let a friend down, my mind was screaming at me that I’m being lazy and not doing enough for my business, and I had somehow convinced myself that I should be worried about my finances (because that’s one of my patterns to get on the never-ending hamster wheel over).
I reached out to a couple of friends who are also full-time entrepreneurs, and basically admitted that I need to be “talked off the ledge”. They understood, and were infinity supportive. I felt like I had hesitantly placed my hands inside that energetic circle again, and again the love was there for me fully.
It really is okay to NOT be okay sometimes…life is constantly changing from one second to the next, and we’re not always going to accept everything gracefully. Being authentic and not pasting that fake smile on my face, or sternly telling myself to buck up is fine; why NOT be honest?
So I’m trying to breathe extra deeply, be soft with myself and those around me, and accept that hey, I can have off days…so what?
I invite you to recognize when you’re not okay and try to be okay with it as best as you can. Reach out to a loved one, have a bubble bath, read a good book and breathe. This too shall pass.