With the sun streaming in through the shop windows, tea brewing in the back room, and my health relatively back to normal, I began to think “If I were to die today, that wouldn’t be so bad.”
Yes, it’s an extremely morbid thought to entertain, and no I’m not looking to jump off a cliff anytime soon (my extreme fear of heights wouldn’t allow it, even if I wanted to). What I’m getting at here is that I don’t feel like my life has been unfulfilled, that a lot of what’s on my current bucket list hasn’t been checked off, and that I’d be sitting on a cloud somewhere in the ether regretting all of the unanswered opportunities I left behind me.
In the last few years, I’ve really made myself “go for” things. Fear has been a constant in my life for as long as I can remember…waaaaaay back to childhood. It often prevented me from trying things, and honestly still does occasionally. But with the world on the brink of disaster, natural resources depleting, crime rates rising, and the fact that I haven’t found the magical immortality potion (or become a vampire yet), it’s something I force myself to think about: what do I want to do today, that I might not get the opportunity to tomorrow?
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t walk around in a perpetual state of paranoia and funk. But on some subconscious level, I know that I won’t live forever (of course), and what’s the point of living unhappily?! If I want to leave my soul-sucking job and do something that lifts me up and fosters our community, why wouldn’t I try it? If I want to overcome a gigantic fear and learn to drive…why not? Get married to my best friend? Covering my body in beautiful tattoo artwork? Shaving half my hair and having a punky/funky hairstyle? Sharing my house with two pugs? What’s the point in living safely all of the time?
I’m also not somebody who enjoys the thought of skydiving, or wrestling bears…there has to be moderation somewhere in this equation. But the thought of doing things simply because society has taught me that that’s the “right path” or that my dream “is something to fear”? Fuck it!
There are still things on my bucket list, and that list itself will never cease to continue growing. It’s a beautiful challenge to keep examining life, delving deep into myself and asking “What do I really want?” and making it happen.
My loving challenge to you: what are you afraid to do that you’ve always wanted to? Why haven’t you given it a try? Now, I’m not encouraging you to do something that will jeopardize your life or anything; I’m urging you to simply look deep within yourself at the possibilities. You DESERVE it.